Sunday, February 13, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day


  "I can resist everything except temptation"

I have a work friend. A real friend. A good friend. How do I describe this person in my life? My boyfriend, Mike, hates him. I adore him. He’s fun, I make him laugh, he likes to dance, he has no bedtime. He’s kind of the exact opposite of my boyfriend – including his stature. And even though I love the attention, he’s an unlikely candidate for a threat to my relationship. I can’t see myself ever dating him; besides that, I’m maintaining the idea that I’m in love with my boyfriend for now. His name is Travis. He has professed his love for me – dramatic, eh? – several times. To me, to mutual friends, to our managers at work, to the ever present, all important Facebook.  I ignore it. And by ignore it, I mean that I dress a little sluttier at work, hang out with him every day and completely encourage flirting. And every day I know that what I’m doing is wrong. You know what drowns out guilt? Alcohol and weed.

Travis and I spent a day together a few afternoons ago. I picked him up in my brand new car. He hadn’t seen it yet and I was so excited to show it off. He had a couple of errands to run; in truth, I had no idea this day was going to turn out the way it did. It wasn’t planned.  But I should’ve realized at some point what I was getting into and saved myself.  As soon as Travis gets into the car, three things happen. First he gives me a gift – incense and flowers, for Valentine’s Day, of course. Second, he mentions that he has to meet up with his dad to get some money for school. I haven’t met his father yet. I have no interest in meeting his father. What was Mike going to say about this? I instantly decided that Mike was going to say absolutely nothing about it because he was never going to find out. Which brings me to number three, we light a joint. Don't forget what kills guilt. With Travis in my car and no other options at the moment, I take him to meet his father. The three of us have coffee together in the middle of a weekday afternoon. What am I doing? I knew I shouldn’t be there; but I also knew I was having a good time. And all I wanted in the world that day was to spend some time lying in the sun and playing in the surf with my close friend. If I had to meet his parents first, then I guess that’s what we were doing. But, this small digression ended up taking a lot longer than expected. By then it was late in the day. We had a mutual friend already at the beach. But by the time we got there, she had given up on the heat and sun, trying to protect her delicate fair skin and freckles. So the three of us hit a bar and had an early dinner on the pier. Drunkenly we decided to get on the Ferris Wheel after that. There were giggles, picture taking, memories made. I forgot to check in with my boyfriend. I was certain he had to work until about 7pm that day. I’d surely beat him home. Travis and I took Cheryl home. We smoked a bowl with her and her roommate. There was wine, there was more giggling, and there was an arm around my shoulder. Shit. It was suddenly after 7pm. Mike would be home any minute if he weren’t already.  I rush Travis home, completely forget about the Valentine’s gift he had given me and run inside my apartment.

Mike is in the kitchen, there is no music on, no television, no laptop propped up on the kitchen counter playing the latest episode of 30 Rock while he does chores. Silence in the house except for running water. Too late. I was busted. Mike had actually gotten off work early to come home and see me. He had midterms all that week and he wanted to squeeze in some precious hours of quality time before he had to buckle down. He wanted to take me to dinner. I had already eaten and on top of that was a little tipsy.  I laid it all out on the table – all of it except for the flirtation and the coffee date with his father and the Ferris Wheel – and when he found out who I had spent the whole day with, he was livid. That time he had wanted to spend with me, celebrating our relationship, squeezing in an early V-Day romantic evening, turned into time spent fighting and crying and yelling and him driving off furiously. He didn’t make it far. He stopped halfway down the street, threw the car in reverse and stormed back in the door to throw Travis’ gift in my face.

So Happy Valentine’s Day, all you lovers out there. I hope you’re fairing better than me.  If you have any advice on how to fix this, by all means, let me know. I’m clearly making terrible decisions on my own and could really use some guidance.