"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
It’s Monday so obviously it’s a good day to be drunk all day. I went to brunch with Anna and other friends and made sure to get my money’s worth of bottomless mimosas. The best thing about mimosas is that you have no idea how drunk you are until you find yourself trying to exit out of the window. Why don’t people do that more often? Everyone is so conventional these days, using front doors and what not. The restaurant staff didn’t think our stunts were too funny. One friend made the jump from the window with ease, quickness and precision. He wasn’t drinking, he’s just really into parkour right now. My drunk ass wasn’t so smooth. I almost fell out of the window and Anna had to climb up on the banquette to drag me back inside. When the waiter came over to find out what in God’s name was going on at our table, the only thing I could think to do was order another drink. “Oh Jesus Christ,” Anna exclaimed and grabbed my arm to pull me out of the restaurant. Everyone was waiting for us outside already. I said my goodbyes to some friends (maybe, honestly it’s a little fuzzy) and then there were only three: Anna, myself, and our hyper-spiritual friend, Rich. Rich works with us at the restaurant and is Travis’ roommate and close friend. I am not allowed to spend time with Travis anymore, so I hang out with everyone he knows to try to fill that void. Spending time with Rich is like spending time with a Bartlett’s Quote Book of Spirituality. He’s our guru; he’s always ready to lend and ear and tell you that you need to refocus your energy. Sometimes it’s just what you need to feel inspired and rejuvenated. Also, he has a vaporizer.
Rich has imbibed a bit himself, making us a trio of hot messes – and of course we were all also stoned. He suggested we go get a psychic reading done at a place nearby that he likes. I have always wanted to get a reading. As soon as he suggested it, I leapt in the air and shouted “Yeah!” like a 7 year old who was just told that recess was coming early today. I have no idea why I hadn’t had one done before – maybe I just haven’t been drunk on a Monday afternoon with nothing to do before.
Rich went in first while Anna and I smoked cigarettes outside of the attached bookstore. She started asking me about Mike and what was going on with us. I confess that while things are going well, something just hasn’t healed properly. Everything in our relationship is perfect, but I’m still thinking about getting out. And then I tell her, for the first time openly admitting, that I have been wondering what it would be like to kiss Travis. “Ew,” she says. “I’ve been there. It’s not great.” News to me. I look at her, mouth agape, and somehow manage to get out, “What? You’ve never told me that! When? Why? How? What?!” I found this really funny and begged for the dirt. My favorite thing in the world is making fun of Travis. She told me he put the moves on her too when she first started hanging out. She said it’s hard to tell if he genuinely has feelings for girls or if he just goes after whatever comes his way.
I’m drunk and emotional from talking about the boys and the ever-constant turmoil in my life; and now it’s my turn to go in. Rich strolls out looking refreshed and calm. “Next,” he says smiling at me. He and Anna take a walk down to a coffee shop close by. I watched them walk down the sidewalk for a moment, took a deep breath, and opened the gated door to the psychic’s room. It was a man; I wasn’t expecting that. And he doesn’t look like a lunatic. I pick my seven cards with carelessness and hopefulness.
He turns the first card over and the first thing he said to me was, “Happiness is something that you struggle with. You’re never sure if you’re feeling it or what the word Happy even means.” And then there I was. Suddenly very aware of where I was sitting and extremely present with this stranger that told me something I didn’t think anyone knew about me. I went from happy-go-lucky-drunken-bruncher to a somber and struggling, confused girl with tears welling up in her eyes. One sentence destroyed me and I wept for the rest of my session. He told me that there was a big decision that I had to make soon, and I should choose the path that will lead me to Happiness. He told me it was time to embrace my full potential and there was something in my life that was holding me back. He told me he felt like I was on a precipice and this big upcoming decision was going to change my life forever – but for the better. He told me that I was an artist, a true artist, and that I’ve been fighting it and stifling it. “It’s time to let go,” he said, and then my session was over. Devestated, I wobbled out of the gated door, still drunk and weeping. Anna and Rich were sitting on a small brick wall that lined the garden outside. Anna gave me a warm hug and didn’t even need to ask me what happened. She went in for her turn. Rich and I took a long walk around the neighborhood, grabbed some frozen yogurt and laid in the grass. I told him everything that was said and my interpretation of it. The reader knew that I’ve been feeling trapped, suppressed and oppressed in this relationship that feels like it is going nowhere. This decision that is coming up has to be made, and I have to choose myself and my personal pursuit of happiness.
Mike came home from work tonight to find me stoned out of my mind, still drunk, curled up in a ball on the couch. Something stupid was on television. I don’t even remember what it was because I wasn’t watching it. He asked me if I was okay and I told him that I didn’t really want to talk about it. When he finally pried it out of me, I confessed that I saw a psychic this afternoon. I admitted that I was feeling really uneasy about the conversation I had with him and I didn’t want to talk about it. Mike is not a fan of secrets and after more prodding I released enough information to get him off my back. I told him that the psychic had some things to say about my acting career and my art and being stifled. Mike must’ve caught the subtext in those thoughts and finally heard in my voice that my visit to the psychic brought up relationship issues. Sometimes, he’s incredibly perceptive. He didn’t ask me anything else about it. He had been working all day and was tired. He kissed me on the forehead and told me to let him know if I needed anything. He went to our bedroom to take a nap.
I don’t know what’s happened. Everything feels different now. I think the hangover is setting in a little early. I’m just going to take some Advil and pass out myself now. Today was a long day.
